What's the alternative

An alternative lifestyle. I have heard this phrase used to refer to many of my friends and their way of dress, preference in type or volume of companions or any other excuse to label them as non-mainstream (although they seem to be a majority in my circles of friends and acquaintances.) It is even in the dictionary do describe it and label it something abnormal or even rebellious, apparently.

alternative |ôlˈtərnətiv|

adjective [ attrib. ]

(of one or more things) available as another possibility : the various alternative methods for resolving disputes | the alternative definition of democracy as popular power.

• (of two things) mutually exclusive : the facts fit two alternative scenarios.

• of or relating to behavior that is considered unconventional and is often seen as a challenge to traditional norms : an alternative lifestyle | they have one foot in alternative music and the other in rock.

noun

one of two or more available possibilities : audiocassettes are an interesting alternative to reading | she had no alternative but to break the law.

DERIVATIVES

alternatively adverb [ sentence adverb ] : alternatively, you may telephone us direct.

ORIGIN mid 16th cent.(in the sense [alternating, alternate] ): from French alternatif, -ive or medieval Latin alternativus, from Latin alternare ‘interchange’ (see alternate ).

USAGE 1 Alternate can be a verb, noun, or adjective, while alternative can be a noun or adjective. In both American and British English, the adjective alternate means 'every other' (: there will be a dance on alternate Saturdays) and the adjective alternative means 'available as another choice' ( | an alternative route; | alternative medicine; alternative energy sources). In American usage, however, alternate can also be used to mean 'available as another choice': | an alternate plan called for construction to begin immediately rather than waiting for spring. Likewise, a book club may offer an 'alternate selection' as an alternative to the main selection. 2 Some traditionalists maintain, from an etymological standpoint, that you can have only two alternatives (from the Latin alter ‘other (of two); the other’) and that uses of more than two alternatives are erroneous. Such uses are, however, normal in modern standard English.

As you can see, alternative is essentially choice. The music you listen to, the way you dress, the foods you eat, these are definitely choices.

For example: Goth. The people who, with a sometimes morbid attraction to the dead, undead or other horrific iconography, have chosen to dress in dark colors, dye their hair black or red or blue and listen to angst-ridden electronically produced music. This is an alternative lifestyle, as they could choose to wear blue jeans and flannel shirts and listen to country music if that is the way their tastes migrate.

This makes it sound like our tastes are dictated by social norms. In these cases they can be. We can choose to buck the system or blend in. I know a young woman who lives in a predominantly Hispanic area and has chosen the goth lifestyle. This is definitely and alternative to hip-hop and rap lifestyles.

Alternative implies choice. Do we have choices in some of these lifestyles? That depends on the circumstances.

I am quite pleased to be friends with a variety of folks with diverse tastes in music, theater, food, wine, beer and just about every other vice known to mankind. These sorts of things that, if they had never been exposed to, would never have come to their minds are a choice. They choose a particular beer over another and can defend their choice with at least "To me, it tastes better." If you’ve never heard of Guinness, how can you know if you like it or not?

Their life partners are not so. Although they can choose the specific person they believe is compatible, they did not choose that they would prefer male to female (or that both are an equally acceptable opportunity.) How does this make it an alternative? If there is no choice, there is no alternative.

I find that the actual alternative is to pretend to follow the social norm and repress the actual emotions, attractions and behaviors that you cannot control. It is unnatural and damaging.

Alternatively, no pun intended, I have friends that choose to have relationships that include multiple partners based on the sexual preferences of those involved. Polyamory is acceptable practice to them. The diversity of these relationships range from open marriages to closed triads.

At any time, they can choose to leave the relationship and become monogamous, or swingers, if they like or prefer.

My taste in companions ranges, but essentially comes down to a certain sort of limited group of criteria that I limit unconsciously.

Let's take one criteria for attraction for me: hair color

If I go on hair color alone I find myself attracted to red, raven, odd artificial colors (red, blue, etc.,) brunette and then blonde hair colors, in that order. This is not to say that some young blonde couldn't catch my attention; it is just that based on hair color alone, I find my uncontrolled impulses of attraction are least to them.

My long-term life companion is an artificially-colored raven-haired woman. This means that she beat out a redhead somewhere along the line at least once. (Likely, by combining the colored and raven qualities together.) However, a shapely redhead will turn my head every time.

Generally, though, I take many factors into consideration on many levels when choosing a partner – general body shape and proportion, hair color, personality, etc. Then there's the Wow! Factor, that sometimes uncontrollable attraction to someone who is generally outside my "normal" criteria. Sometimes it "just happens."

Now, how did I come by these criteria? I have no real idea. I just know that these are what attract me.

Why do I prefer females? Well, it's because the glands in my body that respond to hormones respond to females and not males. It's biological; I have no control over it. The same works backwards for others. It's not a psychological behavior – it's a biochemical reaction. (If this confuses you on any level, I suggest that you take a science course that explains such things – I’m not learned enough to propose further discussion on the biological processes involved in hormonal reactions.)

This, of course, means that there is no choice involved. I am attracted to females, not a thing I can choose to change because my physiological makeup dictates that I respond to female sexual stimuli and not male.

So, by all this rhetorical definition, I live an alternative lifestyle. I choose to be with the life companion(s) I am with, to stay in the relationship(s), within defined boundaries and accept the consequences of the actions within them.

But let me ask you this: When alternative becomes mainstream, what’s the alternative to Alternative?