Awakenings...

Today, I woke up and looked around as I muddled my way to consciousness. What I saw was familiar, but yet dissimilar to what I looked upon each other morning of my life. My eyes fell upon all those things one gathers in their bedroom: bed and bedding, side tables and lamps, hampers and baskets with laundry (both dirty and clean), books set aside as sleep pulled one into its arms and held you for the night.

As I sat up, I looked at all of this in the early morning light that fought its way into my room through the blinds. It was all grey and nondescript at first, but the muted colors began to wake and register in my mind. Certain things jumped to awareness first, early risers, as the rest of the room woke with me.

The alarm clock flashed 12:00 insistently, silently crying to be told what the actual time was. It seems to have been woken with a start in the middle of the night and had no one to look at to check and had sat there waiting for me the whole night, scared and alone.

I'm not sure about you, but as a point of reference, time is on my list of morning crutches. Personally, I find that assimilation into the day's activities is generally easier when I know how far ahead or behind I am starting. Some other important points include up, down and bathroom location. From these I feel I can gauge my approach to the rest of my day accurately, most times.

Other things had apparently crept up on me in my sleep and made themselves at home in my home: the stuffed Eeyore that sat, leaning unsafely over the edge of the armoire as one returning home after a hard night; the sweatshirt that hung limply on the bedpost as though it had taken all of its energy to climb that high; the box of books that formerly occupied a space on the closet floor, now with its former occupants strewn across the floor as if they had frozen in their escape attempt.

My disorientation did not clear as things became more in contrast. Something had obviously changed. Something intangible that I had only recently become aware of. What this thing was I am not sure but such changes continue.

Awareness is not a new thing. I experienced it as a child when I put a face to a name or when I learned a concept and attributed it to an action – the stove is hot; the knife sharp; the night, dark. I remember that I learned Newton's first Law when, standing in a canoe, I tossed a cinderblock over one side only to be thrown into the water from the other. These things become embedded in one's mind.

Things become different over time. Our perceptions change through experience. Thunder is not the spirits playing bowling games, lightning isn't the gods taking photographs, eight inches of snow isn't really a free day off. I should not be surprised that I wake with a different point of view one day from the next.

My emotional comparisons, personal perceptions, knowledge base and personality are all different from what they were 10, 15 or 20 years ago (not to mention 10, 15 or 20 minutes ago) and continue to change.

But such things are personal. No one notices them except me. How can they if they aren't me? Simple: I share them if they are relevant. If I do, others will share in my awareness. If not, then they are observations and are my own to hold.

So, there you have it. Something has changed for me. Have you noticed it?